Untitled.

I wakin up early, because I don't want to see the sun.  Growing up without my father has made me an emotional wreck.  I realized, I need to be loved to feel good everyday. I can't be alone for too long, I'll go crazy.  I listen to Coldplay "Your Love Means Everything" because it relaxes me, and makes me cry at  the same time... It's good to cry.  It shows you have a heart.  I don't want to cry though. I want everybody to look me and believe everything is ok.  And the truth is... it's not.  It's not now, and it never has been.  I hate crying because every tear that falls from my face starts to burn with agony.  There is no real basis for this blog.  It's not because I'm recently single, and It's not because my back has been hurting every day for the past week.  It's not even because things that have happened in my past.  I wish it would rain more often. Then I could cry in public, and seem ok.  I cried as I typed this... I just want to feel wanted.  Sometimes I feel like no one cares about me.  Maybe that's why I cry.  Maybe... Maybe... 

Swagga Like Me...

No one in my city got swagga like me, somethin like a sk8r boy wit Vans on my feet/Flow like sugar cuz this shit so sweet, but don't get it wrong bitch I'm not sweet/ Get it? Brand new yankee fitted, cap wit the brim twisted back and it's tilted...never 4get it this kid's really gifted, aint anotha nigga livin that can spit it how I spit it/ See I'm so sicktastic wit it, it's tragic idn't how I laugh and kill...see I'm a fuckin track murderer, I swagg attack whack ass fuckin swagg burglars/ they more bite outta swagg than a cheese burger, I think I made my point so I why go any further? I got dope skills  that kill when I spill what I feel cuz its real and I'm ill...

This night...a poem of sorts...

This night, might be the hardest that I've had to face, my mind's outta place, and there's tears runnin down my face.  Just get it over quick would be the best way, send a text message sayin "hey, this isn't gonna work" that's not me I wanna hold back the feelins that I feel inside I feel like my heart just died everybody knows I tried...tears on her face as she stares at me askin why.  The only thing that comes to mind is "toughen up", I kno this shit might seem rought, but you fucked this whole thing up. Scratch dat, that's a heartbreakin, that's like emotional murder cuz she's already cryin.  Starin at a hard decision face to face, and I really wanna wait, but this is too much to take...drop my head in my hands as leave, light up the 1st the L as a single man and breathe...

Feelin defeated in this all out war called love, I thought I was a soldier but I aint shit but a petty thug...stare at the ceilin and await the next day, it had to be a better way, but that's the way it is and all I can say is, I don't think I'll feel this way again too much pain within my tough skin seems paper thin...

Love...at least what I think about it.

Love is the most powerful emotion.  It can help you, or destroy you.

Even though we'd like to think we'll be with the one we love in high school forever, chances are it won't play out that way.  Unless the two of you are willing to go through GREAT lengths of sacrifice to make it work.  But, forever is still a far fetched dream that you may or may not wake up from.

In reality, you probably won't find who's really compatible until you make it to college, or at least your adult life.  Anything before is basically practice.  And even though we hate to admit it, our parents were right. It WAS just puppy love.

So, with that said, I wish all my exes the best of luck.  Go and find the guy that's me times two.

I don't know what the future holds for my love life, or if I'll find the right girl for me anytime soon...but somethin tells me that she's too far from me.  But, alas we shall see.

I've come to realize

That, I don't have to have a washboard sixpack, be the sexiest guy alive, or have money out the ass...

As long as I be me, girls are gonna fall like dominos for me no matter what.

So, advice to my niggas wit girl trouble: Be yourself...it helps.

YEE-AWW!!

=D